You Have Options: Rethinking Decluttering Rules

If you've spent any time looking for decluttering advice, you've probably encountered a few "rules" about deciding what to keep and what to let go.

If you haven't used it in a year, get rid of it.

If it doesn't spark joy, let it go.

If you can't decide in three seconds, you're overthinking it.

Some of these guidelines can be helpful. But here's the thing: they're guidelines, not laws. And sometimes, following them doesn't make sense for your particular situation.

Recently I've been working with a client who has a lot of toys belonging to her kids, and the kids are quickly approaching adulthood. By conventional decluttering standards, you might think it's time for those toys to go. The kids are nearly grown, and most of the toys aren't being played with anymore.

But there's more to the story.

This family has moved frequently, living in different states and different countries. Therefore the kids haven't always had a strong sense of home or a place where they felt rooted. Often their belongings provided a sense of familiarity and continuity.

Their stuff was their home.

So while someone looking at the situation from the outside might see a lot of toys that should be decluttered, there's a much bigger picture. As the kids transition into adulthood, they may not be ready to let go of those familiar belongings just yet.

And that's perfectly okay.

The key here is that they aren't ignoring the challenge of having all these belongings. They're taking on the work of organizing and managing the toys because they recognize what those things mean to their kids. For this family, the continuity and connection those belongings provide are worth the extra effort and space they require.

This situation has gotten me thinking about some of the decluttering rules we hear so often. They might be useful starting points, but they don't account for individual circumstances, preferences, or needs.

Let's take a look at a few:

The One-Year Decluttering Rule

The rule: If you haven't used something in the past year, it's time to get rid of it.

This sounds reasonable enough. After all, if you haven't needed something in an entire year, how likely are you to need it in the future?

When it doesn't work: But what about the Christmas decorations you only use once a year? Or the camping equipment that only comes out during summer vacation? What about the special occasion outfit you love but rarely have an opportunity to wear? And then there are things you simply enjoy owning, even if you don't use them very often.

You have options:

• You could keep something because you know you'll use it again, even if that won't be for another year.

• You could keep something simply because you enjoy having it.

• You could let it go because you haven't used it, don't anticipate needing it, and don't particularly care about keeping it.

• You could decide to give it another year and reassess.

Not everything needs to be used regularly to earn its place in your home.

The 3-Second Decluttering Rule

The rule: If you can't decide whether to keep something within three seconds, you're overthinking it. The longer you deliberate, the more likely you are to keep it.

I can see the appeal of this one. Sometimes we really do spend too much time debating the fate of things that we don't particularly want or need. But not every decision should be made quickly.

When it doesn't work: Some decisions take a little extra time - sentimental items, items that represent significant financial investments, items connected to a possible future, and items that would be difficult to replace.

Giving these items careful consideration isn't a bad thing.

You have options:

• You could make a quick decision if you already know how you feel about something.

• You could take your time and think through a decision.

• You could set something aside and come back to it later.

• You could take a photograph or find another way to preserve a memory before letting go of the physical item.

There's no prize for making the fastest decision. The goal is to make a decision that feels right for you.

The Spark Joy Decluttering Rule

The rule: If an item doesn't spark joy, thank it for its service and let it go.

This principle, popularized by Marie Kondo, has helped many people think differently about their belongings. And I think there's real value in considering whether the things we own bring us happiness.

When it doesn't work: Let's be honest. Your snow shovel probably doesn't spark joy. Neither do your tax records or your toilet plunger. Yet most of us would agree that these are things worth keeping!

Not everything we own needs to make us happy. Some things are useful, practical, necessary, or simply make our lives easier.

And on the flip side, just because something sparks joy doesn't automatically mean you need to keep it. You might love something but realize that you no longer have the space or desire to manage it.

You have options:

• You could keep something because it's useful or necessary, even if it doesn't bring you joy.

• You could keep something simply because you love it, even if it serves no practical purpose.

• You could let go of something that once brought you joy but no longer has a place in your life.

• You could find a different way to enjoy something, such as displaying a smaller selection from a collection rather than keeping every piece.

Joy is one consideration, but it isn't the only one.

Decluttering Rules Are Optional. Your Choices Are Yours.

Decluttering advice can be helpful. Rules and guidelines can give us a place to start when we're not sure what to do with our belongings.

But they aren't one-size-fits-all solutions. Your home, your circumstances, your priorities, and your relationship with your belongings are unique to you.

Instead of asking yourself whether you've met someone else's criteria for keeping something, ask yourself whether keeping it makes sense for you.

Maybe you'll decide to keep it.

Maybe you'll decide to let it go.

Maybe you'll decide you're not ready to make that decision yet.

You could keep all of something, keep a few favorites, or let go of the entire collection. You could follow a particular guideline, adapt it to your situation, or ignore it altogether.

You have options.

The goal of decluttering isn't to meet someone else's standard for how much stuff you should own. It's to create a home that works for you and the life you want to live.